Monday, October 18, 2010

Sports Bars?

I hail from the Great City of Chicago - "The City That Works". That's a catchy, double-barreled tag line that well represents my city. Chicagoan's are notorious for our work ethic - a "hard-nosed", "stick-too-it-ive", no nonsense, blue collar, "get the job done" (and well), mid-Western work ethic. Even our famous and numerous gangsters have had the same work ethic. Still do. Arguably, it is because of this work ethic that Chicago, a city born as a mid-19th century frontier outpost in a swamp on the shores of Lake Michigan, has become World Class. One might argue geography, but let's face it, it's people that make a city work. And Chicago works!

We work hard and we play hard. Which is what makes Chicago one of the best sports towns in North America. We take our sports and our teams seriously, and our sports fans are second to none. Bears, Bulls, Blackhawks, Cubs, White Sox, Fire. Pick a team. If you're from Chi-town, you've got an opinion on them all. Today was Sunday, and I wanted to see the Bears/Seahawks game...

...So I walk inta 'dis Sports Bar dis afternoon ta try 'n' find da Bears game on TV. I mean, it says "Sports Bar" right dere on da sign. So I says ta myself, "Disa'd be a good place ta grab a beer an' watch da game. Who knows? Maybe dey got brats too!"

I gotta be careful here what I say, 'cause dis is Mayberry and I don' wan' any problems wit my neighbors tellin' me dat I'm not welcome in dere place a business. Anyway, here goes... 

So like I was sayin', I walk into dis joint and see a buncha TV's on da walls and none a dem got da Bears on 'em. So I says to da manager, "Hey, Sweetie, how 'bout puttin' da Bears game on one a da TV's ya got up dere? Oh, an' bring me a Old Style too when ya gotta chance." Well, dey don't got Old Style. Sumthin' wit a eagle on da label. Den she hands me a book dat da cable company gave her wit dates an' channels an' all kindsa crap in it, an' asks me what network da game is on. I'm like, "Hey, sweetie! Do I look like da cable guy here?"

20 friggin' minutes later, wit Cutler gettin' his ass sacked off by Seattle (I'm watchin' dis on da Internet on Sweetie's computer while she's huntin' for a signal for da remote in da kitchen, or somethin'. Cripes!), Sweetie's still askin' me who da Bears are an' can't even find da game on any of da TV's. So she gives up - and den tries to sell me a bucket a beers an' some chicken wings! Which is all dey got 'cause da kitchen blew up, or somethin', and dey can't cook pizza.

Dat's when I told Sweetie, "Thank you, but NO!", an' walked out da door to try an' find da game at anudder sports bar. Took me tree tries in two towns!!! Crap!! 

Dis ain't Chicago. Nuttin' works.

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